Negativity battle

Its funny that It is now in my life that I am trying to get over negativity. This is the time in my life when my life has been most positive! I have my soul mate, I am free of those who have tried to push me down and I am learning to be in harmony with nature.Yet negativity seems to want to creep into me. Its like I believe its to good to be true. There are always two sides to a coin and its like I always choose the ugly part instead of the beautiful part. Is this a safe place for me? why do I keep going back to this place?...is this how I protect myself from pain? do I fear pain....am I doing this out of fear? Maybe I know I fear to live the way I was living before my life was transformed. I was always in pain ,I was always sad, I was always bieng fake to those around me . I would give out my love and receive little in return. I was drained.; In the moment when I finally let go and let love....I am faced with a challenge...and I find myself quivering in that same corner of self pity, self blame, fear and pain. I am challenged to rise above it, but every time I take a step forward...the fear of being hurt creeps in inside of me and as a result I end up being more hurt and ashamed of myself. When you grow with the Ginen life is beautiful but it is definitely not easy. You may find yourself having to do things that are way out of line with the the times of the day....but it is a part of your growth, a part of your journey. You may be asked to be so selfless so that you can be a more better self.....but selflessness comes first....and I keep putting up my sheild...hiding and hurting...fearing...not allowing myself to love he way I should.